Other Projects: In Character

[criticalkink]

A post was requested for projects that the cast are involved with other than Critical Role.

This post is for in character prompts.

Please state the name of the project (i.e. Signal Boost, Wednesday Club, Dread) in the subject line of your prompt.

All the general rules of the kink meme as listed in the profile still apply!

Comments

Kayden/Tanner - We made it! (We survived sex)

[(Anonymous)]

They survived. They made it. Tanner is still weary and doesn't trust Kayden 100% not to have drugged them all, but they're alive and he needs something to hold onto. Kayden wants to prove that he didn't do anything, everything's fucked up, and Tanner is a soft place to land.

Nothing non-con, no bathroom play, please!

((Thank you for giving me the chance to prompt this, I've been holding onto this ever since table top day.))

Re: Kayden/Tanner - We made it! (We survived sex)

[criticalkink]

Can you please specify which project this is for, for those people who don't know?

Mythica 3 - Szorlok/Marek noncon

[(Anonymous)]

Specifically as part of their confrontation in Mythica 3, Szorlok uses his powers to take advantage of Marek and "humbles" her.

(Yep, going to hell for those one. Shockingly okay with that.)

Dread, Kayden/Tanner, inexperienced D/s

[(Anonymous)]

hey so, episode 3 of Dread sure is a thing that happened

anything with Tanner and Kayden working out their issues through sex, and the both of them not really knowing what healthy bdsm is supposed to look like- Tanner being rough with Kayden because he has no idea how to deal with his feelings and Kayden taking it because he thinks he deserves it

Re: Dread, Kayden/Tanner, inexperienced D/s

[laurenthemself]

So this doesn't 100% fit this prompt because it also riffs off this comment, but I thought I would link you anyway in case it scratches an itch.

Put on the Red Light on AO3.

Dread, Kayden/Tanner, Kayden riding Tanner

[(Anonymous)]

Title speaks for itself. Dubcon ok, non-con is not.

Dread, Kayden/Tanner or Sat/Tanner (possible spoilers)

[(Anonymous)]

Darby's ritual works and brings Tanner back, but he comes back wrong (author's choice as to whether that means catatonia, zombie, or something else).

Sat or Kayden (or both) takes advantage of this second chance with Tanner even though it's not quite the same Tanner they lost.

Re: Dread, Kayden/Tanner or Sat/Tanner (possible spoilers)

[(Anonymous)]

I binge-watched this weekend and came out NEEDING some Kayden/Tanner/Sat, so I might take a stab at this!

Sagas of Sundry: Dread / OT5 / Ecstasy and Group Sex

[(Anonymous)]

Prefer pre-ITTD because I would love it if everyone's on board and not paranoid about Kayden slipping them something else (looking at you Tanner).

The five of them try E together and fun sexytimes ensue. Lots of sharing, taking turns, teasing.

If it happens to be someone's first time and the other four all give them the most amazing possible experience ever I would probably die, but I'm also down with everyone having some degree of knowledge and, well, filling in each other's gaps with hands-on teaching.

The Dread Gang Plays D&D (Sagas of Sundry: Dread)

[(Anonymous)]

Inspired by that part of the ITTD game where there's some very meta riffing on "that dumb game with the dragons" and Raina actually being into it, and the fact that I really want some joy for my dumb horror kids.

So, pre-camping trip of doom (or after, in an AU where the group didn't splinter quite so badly), Raina talks them into a D&D game. Possibly the others aren't feeling it at first but get into it. Possibly Kayden only agrees to play because he thinks it's actually a game about worshipping Satan and then spends the night complaining he was lured here under false pretenses. Whatever ships or gen, just let them have some fun.

The Doctor/The Master, Eric's TBD RPG, hatefucking

[(Anonymous)]

Just, every time Taliesin as the Master smirked at Amy Dallen as the Doctor and said something like "Tell me I've been bad", I have NEEDED fic with those two.

Re: The Doctor/The Master, Eric's TBD RPG, hatefucking

[(Anonymous)]

Omg yes this so much, please!!

Deadlands Orgy

[(Anonymous)]

I just watched the deadlands MDA charity stream and, i mean it litteraly opens with them all waking up in bed together. Stinky Jules explicitly tells the reverend he had sex with the both Sydney and Sudese.

Sagas of Sundry: Madness--Emmett/Selina (spoilery prompt)

[(Anonymous)]

Trapped in seperate realities, they still find a way to be together.

(Astral projection, dream sex, what have you, I just recently binged Madness and need something to fill the gaping void in my heart.)

Jayne/Anyone, Bar Room Blitz, Fun With Whips

[(Anonymous)]

Basically what it says on the tin. Jayne having dubiously-moral fun with her whip. Usual painplay stuff is welcome, but I'm definitely open to more... unorthodox uses.

+Bondage
+Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation
+Dubiously healthy uses of death cleric magic
+Stuff to do with the Chained Oblivion

Dub-con is okay, I'd even take non-con! Honestly, take it as dark as you want. I also don't mind who it's with - other characters from that oneshot, other CR characters, or some poor random sod subject to her whims.

Re: Jayne/Anyone, Bar Room Blitz, Fun With Whips

[(Anonymous)]

Seconded!

The Fast and the Furriest - [Izzy/Vin] Crash Pandas

[(Anonymous)]

What I'd like to read is Izzy's self-inserted fanfic of herself and Vin Diesel.

Bonus points if you include Ringo or another raccoon reading and commenting over Izzy's shoulder.
Can include masturbation, but focus on what happens in the fic.

Thursday By Night VtM one-shot, Laura/Liam/Travis

[(Anonymous)]

This is sort of bordering on RPF, since they were RPing versions of themselves in the game? To be clear, I mean the in-game vampire characters.

I got SUCH a kick out of Liam using his vampire powers to convince both Laura & Travis to protect him at the other's expense, with kind of astonishing success. Maybe that persuasion has... some unforeseen side effects? Sexually. Sensually. You know, just some weird vampire shit between pals.

Storyteller/Tenants (Madness) - Voice Kink

[(Anonymous)]

I'm just saying, if Ivan came up close and personal, whispering and/or screaming in my ear, I'd not be able to do jenga pulls for an entirely different reason. So – Storyteller! Whispering dirtybadwrong things in the tenants ears while they're unable to do anything about it because?? is that creepy sexy voice?? and hot dude?? solely in their heads??

( I have a preference for Abigail and Emmett because y e a h, but I'm not gonna complain about any others.)

Carver/Matt, LA by Night + RPF

[(Anonymous)]

In case you hasn't seen it, Carver is Taliesin. As a vampire daddy. In leather. I just need fic desperately. He's bound to cross paths with Matt, who might mistake him for his friend....

Re: Carver/Matt, LA by Night + RPF

[(Anonymous)]

Whoa. Yum.
I definitely see this happening at a club. Maybe Taliesin and Matt originally went together, split up at the club, and Matt is so, so thankful he found Tal again, he was starting to get worried, and then there's a hand in his hair and a hand in his pants, and oh, whoa, okay, I thought we stopped doing this years ago.
Carver, on the other hand...Carver is delighted. This gorgeously pretty man approached him out of nowhere and is just going along with his antics, so pliant under his touch that Carver might even forgive how the guy keeps calling him "Taliesin".

Re: Rokokokoko/The Master - Captured Non-Con

[(Anonymous)]

Pst, rules request:

Please state the name of the project (i.e. Signal Boost, Wednesday Club, Dread) in the subject line of your prompt.

Alexandria/Hana/Bentley we survived sex

[(Anonymous)]

Wow, was that one-shot amazing, and the chemistry between everyone was delicious. The survivors have been left in the room alone for a while...how about some adrenalin fueled thank god we actually survived sex?

Alexandria/Hana or Hana/Bentley or all three would be beautiful. Don't have any serious squicks so feel free to go whatever kinky direction you'd like.

Re: Alexandria/Hana/Bentley we survived sex

[(Anonymous)]

Lightplay, on AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/20125042

Rated E, 2655 words. Complete.
Threesome - F/F/M, Vaginal Sex, Cunnilingus, Blow Jobs, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Life-Affirming Sex

I thrive on comments, so please let me know what you think on ao3!

Cinderbrush - Jamie/Sasha hatesex

[(Anonymous)]

Is this based entirely around the one scene where Sasha pulled Jamie in close using the harness? Yes. Yes it is.

I could see either pre-show, the two of them balancing their weird hate each other but find the other useful (and terrifying and honestly kind of hot) with some hatesex, or post-show working out their now more complicated relationship.

Re: Cinderbrush - Jamie/Sasha hatesex

[(Anonymous)]

Well, I came here to request this because that warring Dom energy, hot damn-- but looks like I'll be writing something for this. Hope you're into clashing Dominant vibes and tools of the trade

Cinderbrush—Sasha/Cameron/Aff, Jamie/any, possible OT4?

[(Anonymous)]

Sasha, Cam, and Aff have a lot of messy feelings shit to figure out. Jamie’s plan is to leave them to it and not touch that whole mess with a ten-foot pole.

Which makes it really, REALLY annoying for Jamie when they keep falling into the makeout trap with one or more of the other three.

(In other words, hi I am obsessed with that one part where Jamie ends up making out with Aff completely against their better judgment and I need more of that please.)

Fill: Kissing, the most dangerous game (Jamie/Sasha/Cameron/Aff, T) 1/2

[(Anonymous)]

Cam is bleeding. He's managed to avoid all the gunshots, so far, but he's bleeding, now, as Aff falls out of the wolf. He grabs their wrist, as they stumble to the ground. "It's okay, he says, and he helps keep them from falling.

"I'm so sorry," Aff tells him, holding the wound in the side of their chest, that hurts, now, hurts so much, before they realize that they should have their arms up in the air too, like Cam does, like Sasha does.

"It's okay," Cam tells them, with a smile.

"Hey Cam?" Sasha asks, looking over at him, from where she's kneeling on the ground. She looks like she usually only does when they're alone, her face honest, tired, open.

"Yeah?" he says, and he gives her that weak smile too.

"You - uh - it's okay if you and Aff-" Sasha stumbles out, "If you're good. It's fine."

"I don't know," Cam says. "It's. We'll figure that out."

"Okay," Sasha says, a bit firmer, as the tension starts to leave her body, as she starts to settle down. "I'll help. You know."

"And it's okay if you want a thing with Aff too," Cam stumbles out, not quite meeting her eyes.

From where they are sitting up in to a kneeling position, on the ground between the pair of them, Aff adds, "I've been reading mating in captivity - maybe we can make this work."

Jamie can't help but roll their eyes at the scene, or, they would, if it weren't for the fact that their focus is still on the man with the gun. But the gun is on the ground, and his hands are in the air.

With a sigh, Jamie lets the darkness fall from their eyes, and promises not to hurt the man who had just shot them in the fucking shoulder. Glancing over, at the three of them, at Suzie and her goons, at the cops encroaching, Jamie finally raises their hands over their head, in surrender.

---

They don't actually get sent to the police station, like they all had thought would happen. They get sent to the hospital, which is what you do with a bunch of teenagers who have been shot up as much as they have.

They all end up telling the same story, that they were there to have a youth group meeting, to help Aff and Jamie, mostly. That they stumbled on to Suzy by accident, that she attacked them without warning. That they're the victims here.

Eventually, that story will be believed, and they'll get off with just a little delinquency charges, for the party they all went to, for not telling the cops everything they knew from the start. It's better than what Jamie was thinking would happen - they didn't find anything incriminating, in the hideout, nothing framing them or Cam as being involved in the fucking cult.

For now, though, they're in four hospital beds in the same room, with a cop standing watch outside, and this is far, far worse than every night that Jamie has spent in jail, because at least in Jail, they were alone.

It would be fine if it was just Cam. Cam and Jamie have an arrangement. Cam and Jamie know how to act like reasonable fucking people around each other.

But Sasha's also there, slipping back into her mask, and Aff, being their puppy dog self, and Jamie is genuinely wondering whether or not to regret the decision to let them so totally off the hook for all the shit that they'd plan to put them through.

"I liked making out with you too," Aff says, in the middle of the stumbling conversation that they, Cam, and Sasha are having to 'work out their feelings'. "Sorry if it was weird, since, you know, our dads and all."

"It wasn't weird," Jamie says. "And of course you liked it, you were high as fuck."

"I wouldn't mind doing it again-" Aff says, but that's cut off by Sasha and Cam, asking what the fuck happened between their dads.

Aff explains, and Jamie lies back down, thanks whatever for the painkillers, and hopes that the three of them don't decide that locked-in-a-hospital-room is the best time to start making out or fucking or whatever, because that's not something Jamie wants to deal with right now.

---

Jamie stops going to the mandated therapy sessions as soon as possible. Aff asks them to stay, to keep going, talks about it being a friend thing with them and with Cam.

Jamie Wrenly does not do friends. Jamie Wrenly has people they are using, and people who are using them. They have Cam, and that’s it.

But now they don’t even have Cam, because Cam’s back with Sasha. Cam’s with Sasha and with Aff, although as far as the rest of the school knows, Cam and Aff are just friends.
Cam doesn’t need Jamie anymore, doesn’t spend basically every free day at the hideout, and that’s okay, because Jamie hasn’t needed anyone in a long time, and that hasn’t changed.

Sometimes, Cam still drops by, although he’s there less and less to get high and more and more to just hang out and chat. Which is fine. Whatever he needs to do, honestly, Jamie’s not here to judge.

“I still hear the whispers, sometimes,” Cam says. “I don’t want to end up like Suzie.”

“To end up like Suzy,” Jamie says, “You need to take a dive off a cliff. You’re more likely to end up like me.”

“I don’t think that’s such a bad thing,” Cam says, like the liar he is, like the liar he’s always been.

---

They’re standing behind the school, and Sasha has one hand against Jamie’s hip, the other on the side of their face. Her breath is hot and close.

“We should really hang out more,” Sasha says, in her Sasha voice.

“What the fuck do you want, Sasha,” they say instead. Jamie doesn’t have the strength to pull away from her - god, when do they ever have the strength - but they know how to fucking see through her moves, still, clear as day.

“Why do you think I want something?” Sasha asks, and she’s the one who pulls back, just a little.”

“You always want something,” Jamie says. “That’s who you are.”

“Maybe I just want to spend more time with you,” Sasha says, her hand running through their hair, fingers dancing against their cheek.

Jamie tries to figure out what game she’s playing, what she could possibly gain from this. They don’t have anything too complicated, running between the two of them, don’t have any schemes that overlap, not that Jamie can see. Everything is confusing.

Sasha looks, for a moment, like she’s going to lean in for a kiss. Jamie’s lips are parted, slightly, just a little breathless.

But Sasha doesn’t lean forward, holds herself back, and that’s all it takes for Jamie to slip out of her grip.

“Call me if you have actual fucking business,” Jamie says, heading back inside, and they purposefully don’t turn back, to see the reaction on Sasha’s face.

---

Sasha eats lunch with her hive, but she flits around the quad as always, keeping up on everything she can. She always makes sure to spend a little time with Cam, where he sits with Aff and a few others. She wraps her arms around him, and they spend a little bit of time playing the picture perfect couple they’ve always played.

Jamie sits alone on the grass, open for business, and pointedly avoids that table and the scene that plays out every day like clockwork.

“You can always sit with us,” Aff says, on a just as daily basis.

“I’ve got better things to do,” Jamie says, every day, and hopes each time that the puppy might finally get the message.

---

In the hideout, Cam holds Jamie through a bad high. They’re shaking, but it’s not as bad as it could be, because Cam’s arms are wrapped around their shoulders, and everything feels just a little bit safer.

“I’m here for you,” Cam says. “I’ll always be here for you.”

Cam is, as he has ever been, a liar.

---

“Can I kiss you?” Aff asks, after school one day. The puppy’s been following Jamie home, and Jamie doesn’t quite have the heart to shake them off - Aff is useful, and their annoying qualities can be worked around.

“When did you break into my stache?” Jamie asks, because there’s no other way that Aff got drugs, and there’s no way that someone would be asking this when they weren’t high.”

“I’m going to kiss you,” Aff says, and it’s more of a question then a demand, a slow and deliberate move that would be so easy to escape.

It would be so, so easy to dodge, so easy to shove them off. But Jamie’s never been great at denying themself things they want.

The last kiss, the first kiss, is just a hazy memory, honestly, ruined in equal parts by the drugs and the events that followed shortly thereafter. It hadn’t been very good. Very few kisses are, when you’re that high, but Jamie’s never found it in themself to mind.

This kiss isn’t very good either, except it is, It’s a little hesitant, and then it becomes hungry, sloppy, and Jamie falls into it, because there isn’t any wall to fall against.

Jamie can’t remember the last time someone had kissed them and hadn’t been high, or trying to manipulate them.

Still can’t, because Aff has to be manipulating them. Has to. And it’s probably part of whatever game Sasha’s been playing, which isn’t fair.

Aff pulls back, and has a dopey little grin, which fades, a little, at the look across Jamie’s face, and that’s the opening Jamie takes to escape.

---

Sasha is holding a party, and Jamie comes. There doesn’t even need to be an invite, because if there’s a party, in Cinderbrush, Jamie comes. Even when they aren’t sure if they want to, Jamie comes.

Jamie comes, and does their very best to avoid Sasha, and avoid the hive - which now means avoiding Aff and Cam, best as they can tell.

It is very difficult to avoid Sasha, especially in a place that belongs to her. Jamie does their best, and like always, their best isn’t quite enough.

“Jamie, Jamie, Jamie,” Sasha says, looping a finger through the harness. “We need to talk.”

“We really don’t,” Jamie says. “I’m busy here.”

Sasha frowns, a little. They’re still not used to seeing her be quite so open with emotions, even if it’s as subtle as this.

When she leads them, to a room upstairs, out of the way, they follow. There isn’t even the excuse of a tug against the harness, but they follow just as well.

“What do you want, Sasha,” Jamie asks.

“I want to make out with you,” Sasha says, and they stand there, for a few moments, nothing happening.

Jamie would ask why, try and get another clue in this confusing scheme of what Sasha is trying to do (or trying to get them to do for her), but it’s really hard, because she said make out, and against all better judgement, Jamie really, really wants to make out with her.

They don’t even run away, as Sasha pulls them close by the harness that they keep wearing even though this always happens. Sasha’s kisses are as perfect as Sasha is, how could they not be.

She presses Jamie into the wall, and drinks, and Jamie falls into it, because of course they do, how could they not.

And when Sasha finally pulls back, it takes a few moments for Jamie to recollect themself. Takes a few more to find their legs again, and that’s all it takes for them to be out the door.

“Hope you got what you want,” Jamie says, and hopes it sounds half as cool as it was meant to. “I’ve got shit to get done.”

Sasha doesn’t come back downstairs for a few long minutes, but when she does, she’s back to being the Queen, and Jamie’s able to avoid her for the rest of the fucking night.

---

To the rest of the school, Sasha is dating Cameron, again, and they’re still that picture perfect couple.

Jamie knows better. Jamie doesn’t just see the way that Sasha kisses Cam in the halls between classes, they see the casual touches between Cam and Aff, the ways they find to hold hands and not have anything notice. Jamie sees the awkward moments that break out into smiles, the way that Sasha leans over Aff’s shoulders for them to blush and the way that blush fades away into a familiarity. Sees the ways they are together like a spotlight.

Thank fuck, at the very least, that whatever this is hasn’t made Cam and Aff into two more members of the hive. They’re still Cam and Aff, not Stepford fucking clones. They’re still Cam and Aff, they’re now just Cam and Aff and Sasha.

At parties, sometimes, the three of them will dance together, as Cam and Aff and Sasha, will dance and stop caring who’s watching, because nobody’s watching, nobody cares.

Cam, and Aff, they both keep offering.

Jamie doesn’t care.

Jamie Wrenly/Any, first time

[thegreyangel]

So I'm slightly obsessed with the Monsterhearts one-shot, plus, pretty much any character of Taliesin's does things to me. It can be fluffy or filthy or funny or pretty much anything you feel like.

++ Reader insert
------ Non-con or dubcon

Re: Jamie Wrenly/Any, first time

[(Anonymous)]

Seconding! If I felt I could write well enough I'd do it myself.

Jamie Wrenly/Aff or the Cinderbrush OT4 --- Lingerie

[(Anonymous)]

Jamie in pretty lingerie.

Fairly straightforward. I imagine them wearing it in private and feeling embarrassed because he really likes it but doesn't feel good enough to be seen in it. Cue their lover(s) popping in unexpectedly and seeing them all dolled up. Cue (all of) them having just 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

Lots of praise and body worship and loving on their oh so sexy witch. Jamie not being sure what to do with themself but he can't help loving it. Probably wears some the next time they hang out too but is very hesitant to actually reveal what's under their clothes.

I could see this working very well as a 5+1 times format fic or something, but basically I'm looking for something cute and fluffy and sensual (it doesn't have to necessarily have sex but c'mon, it's lingerie. We need lots of kisses at least.)

Sasha Murasaki and her strap on

[(Anonymous)]

I just want Sasha fucking one or all of her lovers with her nice big strap on. Not much more to it. Would like a lot of praise and gentleness, with her easing the other(s) into it slowly then fucking them so good, telling them how well they take it, maybe going rougher if the other wants it.

Bonus points if Sasha's dressed during the act but no one else is, but not a mandatory detail

Re: Sasha Murasaki and her strap on

[(Anonymous)]

Cherry.

E, English.

“You like that?” Sasha croons, crooking her fingers.
Jamie bites down on their lower lip and squeezes their eyes shut. This whole thing would have been a lot easier if they were face-down. But sure. This is fine. They draw a smooth breath and rock back against the fingers tucked inside their ass.
The four of them have been doing this all year, and it never gets old.
“Jamie…” She drags them back, spreads her fingers, and pleasure flares hot and insistent.
“Fuck.”

Read on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23194633

Carver (L.A. By Night)/Reader

[thegreyangel]

I don't want anything specific, just some good old fashioned smut.

+ D/s
+ Bondage
------- Non-con or dub con
--------- bathroom stuff

Haxorz (NordVPN ads) - blackwillow69/CryptonicOverride/Taliesin, the internet is for porn

[(Anonymous)]

Taliesin goes in to rescue BlackWillow and CryptonicOverride from the Dark Net, only to discover that they've stumbled into the part of the internet that's for porn...

Bonus points for sexy use of the power glove.

"Blow Crash," BlackWillow/CryptonicOverride/Taliesin, M

[(Anonymous)]

[A/N: I hope you didn't want someone to take this prompt seriously, because, uh, if you did, I'm already sorry?)

The void leading into the DarkNet was the color of television turned to a dead digital channel.

“What have you two gotten yourself into this time?” Taliesin muttered as he attempted to contact BlackWillow69 and CryptonicOverride for the seventeenth time in an hour.

This time, a garbled transmission came through, but even after replaying it a few times, Taliesin still couldn’t make out anything other than what sounded like a lot of moaning and screaming. After yelling “enhance!” at the waveform of the recording several times (like any good cyber investigator would), he finally was able to isolate a few words.

“No. It couldn’t be. They can’t have ended up there…” he muttered to himself. “Still, it’s the only lead I’ve got.” He reached for his trusty PowerGlove and prepared for his journey into cyberspace.

***

“Goddammit, not another pop-up storm!” Taliesin yelled as he surfed closer to his intended target. He flailed frantically with his PowerGlove as another flood of windows materialized out of the void, threatening to knock him off his cyberboard.

“Free Trial! Exclusive Clips!”

“View the pics of hot women!”

“Local moms who want to bang!”

“This one weird trick gets all the ladies!”

“I shouldn’t be surprised,” Taliesin grumbled as he finally managed to clear the onslaught of windows. “Pop-ups in the realm of porn? It’s more likely than you think! Thank goodness for my VPN!”

The bright lights of the Sprawl beckoned him closer, a cacophony of noises becoming ever louder as he surfed into the zone.

“I’m at the hub. The Porn Hub,” he muttered to himself. “But where to go from here?” Indeed, where were his two fellow hackers most likely to end up? He tried contacting them again, but only got a weak signal that seemed like it could be coming from anywhere in this cybergarden of carnal delights.

“Taliesin? Is that you?” CryptonicOverride’s voice crackled over his headset after what seemed like an eternity of surfing links that all led to the same two sites and which kept asking for credit card information to proceed any further.

“Yes! Where the hell are you?” Taliesin said.

“I’m in some kind of sorority house from hell! Everyone’s having pillow fights and giggling while wearing nothing but panties!” CryptonicOverride replied.

“Well what did you expect when you entered the PornHub?” Taliesin asked.

“I didn’t know we were going to end up here!” CryptonicOverride said. “It was BlackWillow6969’s fault! He mis-clicked!”

“It always is,” Taliesin said. “Stay there. I’ll hone in on your signal and come find you.”

“Hurry! I told them I was playing sexy hide and seek but I think they’ve almost found me!” CryptonicOverride said.

As Taliesin surfed deeper, following CryptonicOverride’s signal, the world around him became blurrier, like someone filmed a television with a video camera and then digitized it at the lowest frame rate possible, with random pieces of scenery missing like someone failed to download one or several parts of a file. “Ah. We must be in the Usenet erotic archives,” he said to himself. “I’d expected it to be text-only, but of course people found a way even then…”

“Thank the CyberGods that you’re here!” CryptonicOverride exclaimed after Taliesin found her hiding under a pile of discarded pillow fight paraphernalia in one of the bedrooms (although given the low frame rate, it was hard to tell).

“Did you have to blend in in order to survive?” Taliesin asked. “Or did you pillow fight them off in slow motion while looking incredibly sexy?”

“I almost did, but then I sent them on a panty raid to the rival sorority without me!” CryptonicOverride exclaimed. “So we’d better get out of here before they come back!”

“Hop on!” Taliesin said, pulling her onto his cybersurfboard. “We’ve got to find BlackWillow69 before things get any worse!”

***
They had searched through the neighboring realms of schoolgirls and cheerleaders with no luck when Taliesin finally picked up a signal.

“He’s in Kink.com.town,” he said.

“So you’re saying he’s tied up at the moment?” CryptonicOverride said.

“There’s no time to lose,” Taliesin says. “We’re gonna need all our slicing skills to hack through this realm.”

“Toto, I don’t think we’re in Pinterest anymore,” CryptonicOverride said as they entered Kink.com.town, which seemed to be composed entirely of rival dungeons, all of which seemed to be trying to outdo each other for the dimness of their lighting and the elaborateness of their accoutrements.

“Fortunately the dress code of hackers and kinksters overlaps significantly,” Taliesin said. “We’ll blend right in.”

“Did you have to rescue me now?!” BlackWillow69 asked when they finally found him in stocks in the public square without any pants on. “It’s almost time for my hourly spanking.”

“I was worried about you!” CryptonicOverride said. “Hackers click together, right?! Instead I find you showing your ass in the public square!”

“I was thinking of you the whole time? And we probably should go before Mistress comes back,” BlackWillow69 said.

BlackWillow69 was freed in short order and the three of them began to make their way out of Kink.Com.Town, moving slowly since Taliesin’s cyberboard was not meant for three and most of BlackWillow69’s cybergear had been (literally) stripped from him.

“Going somewhere?” a voice called, and the three of them turned to see a Very Sexy Knight in chainmail that definitely was not covering most of his vital organs pointing his sword at them, backed by a phalanx of other Sexy Renaissance Faire-costumed people.

“No one leaves the PornHub for free,” the sexy knight said. “Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to call out the Bad Dragon?”

***
“There’s no exit in this room!” CryptonicOverride exclaimed as she paced around the dungeon chamber to which they’d been escorted.

“How are we going to hack our way out of here?” BlackWillow69 asked. “Two of us don’t have our hax0r gear and your PowerGlove is almost out of juice!”

“We’re stuck behind the PayWall now. We’ll just have to hope that someone pays to download a file that we’re in. Then we can ride the transactional blockchain to freedom,” Taliesin said.

“But we’re not in any files in this sector of the DarkNet!” CryptonicOverride said. “I’m not, anyways.”


“We’ll have to make one ourselves, then,” Taliesin said. “It’s the only way.”

“That’s the weirdest premise for making porn I’ve ever heard,” BlackWillow69 said, turning towards what seemed to be an invisible camera and winking ostentatiously.

“Don’t go breaking the fourth wall at a time like this. Get naked!” CryptonicOverride chided him.

“Me?! What about you?!” BlackWillow69 said.

“We don’t have a set, though. Or a camera!” CryptonicOverride said as she began to remove her many layers of cyberarmor.

“Or...do we?” Taliesin says, holding up his visor.

“Whoa! Google Glass to the rescue!” BlackWillow69 said as he peered into Taliesin’s visor. “And there’s a folder of Zoom backgrounds in your cache, too!”

“With our hacking talents combined, we can make the best porn ever!” CryptonicOverride said.

***
“I didn’t know it could vibrate,” CryptonicOverride said as Taliesin moved his PowerGlove-clad hand between her legs.

“Oh, it’s got a lot of special features,” Taliesin said. “Allow me to demonstrate.”

“You’d better be getting all of this!” CryptonicOverride hissed at BlackWillow69.

BlackWillow69 hastily moved his hand away from the obvious bulge in his black spandex cybersuit and focused his attention on what the other two were doing. It was difficult to keep from getting distracted, though, especially when Taliesin demonstrated PowerGlove special feature number sixty nine on a very enthusiastic CryptonicOverride.

“Did you get all that?” Taliesin asked.

“Uh. I think so? I have some notes about your performances, though, and I really feel like we should adjust the lighting…” BlackWillow69 said.

“Shut up and get over here,” CryptonicOverride said. “You’ve got to be in this too for all of us to get out of here.”

“We’ll fix it in post, I guess?” BlackWillow69 said as he walked over to join his mostly naked (and slightly sticky) hax0r compatriots.

“Post, schmost. Time for gleaming the cube... in your pants,” CryptonicOverride said.

“I’d wanted to take you somewhere romantic for our first time,” BlackWillow69 said. “Somewhere classy like “101 Romantic Date Ideas -- Number Thirty Three Will Surprise You” on Buzzfeed. Or the artisanal furniture section of Etsy.”

“If we get out of here, we can totally have a do-over,” CryptonicOverride said. “Now stop stalling and do us.”

“Fine. No spanking, though. I’ve had enough of that for one day,” BlackWillow69 said as he stripped off his black spandex.

***
“I think using special feature ninety six on the PowerGlove may have shorted it out,” BlackWillow69 said as the trio sadly regarded the softly smoking remains of the Power Glove.

“How are we going to upload our amateur porn without the PowerGlove?” CryptonicOverride asked.

“A true hacker doesn’t need ‘computers’ or ‘cyberarmor’ or ‘powergloves,’” Taliesin says. “A true hacker’s power is in their mind! All we need to do is focus our power and we can make this happen!”

“Why couldn’t we have used that to just escape this realm in the first place?” BlackWillow69 asked.

“Because then it wouldn’t be appropriately climactic! And also because it’s way easier with a PowerGlove,” Taliesin said. “But come on now. All of us will hack this...TOGETHER!”

“Processing video file…” CryptonicOverride chanted, her eyes glowing white.

“Uploading to server…” Taliesin intoned, his eyes seeming to reflect endless monochrome scrolls of code.

“Tagging file -- hacker on hacker on hacker action, harp music, super hot, SEO optimization, you should totally download this…” BlackWillow69 recited, his eyes glowing green with a laser focus.

The three of them collapsed onto the floor of their shared prison, huddling together, hoping that the next click they heard would be the one that led to their freedom.

***
“We did it!” CybertronicOverride said after they finally breached the PayWall and were able to transfer themselves to their own server.

“But the serial killer is still out there!” BlackWillow69 said.

“Yes. We’re going to need every hacker we know to defeat them,” CybertronicOverride said. “What do you say, Taliesin? Are you ready to unretire for a while?”

“We do make a pretty good trio…” Taliesin said, considering. “Fine. I’m in. But you two have to be more careful. The PornHub’s not the only dangerous part of the DarkNet.”

“You’re gonna need to get your old alias back, though,” BlackWillow69 said. “Who the hell thinks ‘Taliesin’ is a good hacker name?”

Obby the Rat/Merle Highchurch, fake relationship leads to ???

[(Anonymous)]

C'mon, it's practically canon. :D

(From here if you don't know what the heck I'm talking about. Enjoy!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=huvwESZTUi4)