(A/N: maybe not quite what OP wanted, but this came to mind and I am now obligated to post it. I don't make the rules for my muses. People present: Matt, Marisha, Taliesin, Liam, Laura, Sam, Ashley, Travis, Mary, and Will. People drunk: all of the above. Premise: like spin the bottle, but weirder. See title.)
"Can you explain again why this is supposed to be a good idea?" Sam squints at Taliesin suspiciously from where he's lounging on a cushion, across the loose circle the ten of them have formed.
"Because," Taliesin explains, "we're drunk."
"I like it," Marisha says, leaning her head against Taliesin's shoulder and trying to peek at his phone. "Where did you find this list?"
"The internet." As if that explains anything. There's a lot of stuff on the internet. Mostly they don't go looking for it. But Taliesin's got the page open on his phone already, and it is pretty interesting being able to see who the Critters would like to see together.
"Go on, then," Matt says, looking up from where he's got his head in Marisha's lap. "Who's first?"
Taliesin clears his throat. "At number ten, we have... Vax and Vex."
Liam and Laura react predictably with looks of shock. "As in..."
"Oh. Wait. It's an ampersand, not a solidus."
"Just call it a fuckin' slash," Travis says, secure in the knowledge that Grog is almost entirely unlikely to be on this particular list.
"How many of these are just going to be Matt making out with himself?" Laura asks.
"Fewer than you'd think." It's actually just one, but it's higher on the list than half-elven twincest.
(Well, it's not actually twincest if it's an ampersand, right?)
(He hates that he knows this.)
"We have to start somewhere," Mary says, eyes on Laura. "If we don't start somewhere, we'll never know who's number one."
"You're shipper trash," Ashley tells her.
Liam and Laura are still looking at each other, and when they kiss it's not precisely passionate, but not exactly like siblings either. Liam's hand runs through Laura's dark hair once, slowly, and they come apart with smiles. Liam flicks a glance at Travis, who just rolls his eyes and grins.
"Who's next, oracle of the makeouts?" Sam asks.
Taliesin looks down at his phone. "Uh... Vax and Keyleth--"
There's a premature ooooh from Laura.
"--and Percy," Taliesin finishes.
"What?" Several of them say it at once.
"How does that even--" Will looks bemused.
"Watch and learn, darling," Mary says.
Marisha turns quite easily to Taliesin, and both of them pause, watching Liam across the floor. He's shaking his head slightly.
"Just how many of these am I in?"
"One more than Laura is," Taliesin not-answers.
"Shithead." Liam knee-walks over to the two of them and they all three lean in together. Marisha's tongue catches the corner of Taliesin's lips; his slight stubble scrapes against Liam's; Liam's mouth clings to Marisha's for a long moment and then his tongue slips briefly against Taliesin's before the three of them separate.
"It doesn't really work," Will says.
"If one of these pairings is Kashaw and Zahra and someone you can find out," Ashley points out.
"Or Kashaw and Vesh and someone," Laura adds.
"Speaking of you, Will..." Taliesin waits until everyone shuts up. Liam is refilling drinks, passing glasses around. "Keyleth and Kash come in at number eight."
"I am so shocked," Matt says, sitting up so that Marisha can move over to Will and plant a kiss on him that is decidedly not a first-time-kiss kiss. Will makes a startled noise and then has his hands in her hair, and she's giggling into the kiss. Thinking it over, anyone would be lucky to have that as a first time kiss.
"Where exactly do Scanlan and Pike come in on this list?" Sam asks as Marisha resumes her seat.
Ashley leans over and pecks his cheek. "Don't be too disappointed, I think everyone's going to wait for it to be canon."
"You're the love of my life," Sam says, pecking her in return.
"That's not fair if they're not next on the list," Travis says.
"Are you waiting for Grog and whores to come up?" Marisha asks with genuine interest. "Because that means making out with Matt."
Travis shrugs. "Wouldn't be the worst thing ever."
"Thanks a lot." Matt takes a long swallow of his beer, throat working, and then sets the cup down. "Who's up next?"
Taliesin looks down and snorts. "Kima and Allura, actually."
"Oh, come on," Will protests. "How the fuck does that actually work?"
"I feel like Matt making out with his own hand is literally the worst possible way to represent a lesbian NPC relationship," says Ashley, before a giggle escapes her and sets Laura off.
Matt just glares at everyone in general and then makes out with his own hand. Which, to be realistic, is quite probably a lot of people's first time kiss experience.
"Moving on," he says, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, while everyone else ignores him in favor of laughing. "Moving on!"
"There's got to be better lesbian representation than that," Laura says.
Taliesin checks the list and grins right at her, giving her one of her own patented winks.
Filter By Relationship, multiple pairings, PG for now, 1/?
"Can you explain again why this is supposed to be a good idea?" Sam squints at Taliesin suspiciously from where he's lounging on a cushion, across the loose circle the ten of them have formed.
"Because," Taliesin explains, "we're drunk."
"I like it," Marisha says, leaning her head against Taliesin's shoulder and trying to peek at his phone. "Where did you find this list?"
"The internet." As if that explains anything. There's a lot of stuff on the internet. Mostly they don't go looking for it. But Taliesin's got the page open on his phone already, and it is pretty interesting being able to see who the Critters would like to see together.
"Go on, then," Matt says, looking up from where he's got his head in Marisha's lap. "Who's first?"
Taliesin clears his throat. "At number ten, we have... Vax and Vex."
Liam and Laura react predictably with looks of shock. "As in..."
"Oh. Wait. It's an ampersand, not a solidus."
"Just call it a fuckin' slash," Travis says, secure in the knowledge that Grog is almost entirely unlikely to be on this particular list.
"How many of these are just going to be Matt making out with himself?" Laura asks.
"Fewer than you'd think." It's actually just one, but it's higher on the list than half-elven twincest.
(Well, it's not actually twincest if it's an ampersand, right?)
(He hates that he knows this.)
"We have to start somewhere," Mary says, eyes on Laura. "If we don't start somewhere, we'll never know who's number one."
"You're shipper trash," Ashley tells her.
Liam and Laura are still looking at each other, and when they kiss it's not precisely passionate, but not exactly like siblings either. Liam's hand runs through Laura's dark hair once, slowly, and they come apart with smiles. Liam flicks a glance at Travis, who just rolls his eyes and grins.
"Who's next, oracle of the makeouts?" Sam asks.
Taliesin looks down at his phone. "Uh... Vax and Keyleth--"
There's a premature ooooh from Laura.
"--and Percy," Taliesin finishes.
"What?" Several of them say it at once.
"How does that even--" Will looks bemused.
"Watch and learn, darling," Mary says.
Marisha turns quite easily to Taliesin, and both of them pause, watching Liam across the floor. He's shaking his head slightly.
"Just how many of these am I in?"
"One more than Laura is," Taliesin not-answers.
"Shithead." Liam knee-walks over to the two of them and they all three lean in together. Marisha's tongue catches the corner of Taliesin's lips; his slight stubble scrapes against Liam's; Liam's mouth clings to Marisha's for a long moment and then his tongue slips briefly against Taliesin's before the three of them separate.
"It doesn't really work," Will says.
"If one of these pairings is Kashaw and Zahra and someone you can find out," Ashley points out.
"Or Kashaw and Vesh and someone," Laura adds.
"Speaking of you, Will..." Taliesin waits until everyone shuts up. Liam is refilling drinks, passing glasses around. "Keyleth and Kash come in at number eight."
"I am so shocked," Matt says, sitting up so that Marisha can move over to Will and plant a kiss on him that is decidedly not a first-time-kiss kiss. Will makes a startled noise and then has his hands in her hair, and she's giggling into the kiss. Thinking it over, anyone would be lucky to have that as a first time kiss.
"Where exactly do Scanlan and Pike come in on this list?" Sam asks as Marisha resumes her seat.
Ashley leans over and pecks his cheek. "Don't be too disappointed, I think everyone's going to wait for it to be canon."
"You're the love of my life," Sam says, pecking her in return.
"That's not fair if they're not next on the list," Travis says.
"Are you waiting for Grog and whores to come up?" Marisha asks with genuine interest. "Because that means making out with Matt."
Travis shrugs. "Wouldn't be the worst thing ever."
"Thanks a lot." Matt takes a long swallow of his beer, throat working, and then sets the cup down. "Who's up next?"
Taliesin looks down and snorts. "Kima and Allura, actually."
"Oh, come on," Will protests. "How the fuck does that actually work?"
"I feel like Matt making out with his own hand is literally the worst possible way to represent a lesbian NPC relationship," says Ashley, before a giggle escapes her and sets Laura off.
Matt just glares at everyone in general and then makes out with his own hand. Which, to be realistic, is quite probably a lot of people's first time kiss experience.
"Moving on," he says, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, while everyone else ignores him in favor of laughing. "Moving on!"
"There's got to be better lesbian representation than that," Laura says.
Taliesin checks the list and grins right at her, giving her one of her own patented winks.
[to be continued]