Hooooooooooly shit. Holy shit. This is absolutely chilling and so beautifully done. My heart was breaking for Caleb the entire way through, and I loved every painful minute of it. The point of view of Andras is so perfect--straightforward and a little removed in a way that makes the things happening that much more chilling and vivid. Seriously, there's all these little touches to his narration that paint such a vivid picture of the asylum--Andras's relationship with the other attendants, the routine of the asylum, his awareness of the different kinds of customers that come for Caleb, the difference in social station of the workers. That running line of Caleb earning them new boots. OOF. Oof. What a gut punch. Honestly, this entire fic is just one precisely-placed gut punch after another, and it never gets any less gripping and horrifying. Meg is such a vividly-drawn counterpart to Andras--god, her seeming sweetness in combination with her impersonal brutality is so fucking chilling. And the descriptions of the different customers wanting different things from Caleb are so horrifying and vivid and so believable. Just. Ahhhhhh so good.
And THIS: Andras most wants Caleb like this. A warm body next to his, dependent. Helpless. He doesn’t want to do anything about it, to take it any further, but there’s a strange satisfaction in knowing that it would be easy because Caleb trusts him. Holy fuck. I mean, it's so good because it makes so beautifully explicit what's been underpinning Andras's narration the entire time.
And the section in the present day with the Nein!! Oh my god. So, so good. I love the gradual process of Caleb trying to piece together what's been done to him, and the added painfulness of not being sure if his memory was modified, or if this really happened to him. I love your voice for everyone (Ahh that observation about going hungry as a child in Fjord's pov. Geez that's good.), but especially Caleb. The remove that Caleb has from himself feels so true, and as with the previous sections, the understatement and straightforwardness of your prose just makes things even more vivid. And just. Beau feeling helpless but keeping an eye on Caleb as best she can. Caduceus so aware of the strain on Caleb and how it's affecting the group, but not pushing Caleb to talk to him until he feels ready. And god, that entire conversation between Caleb and Caduceus is pitch-perfect, with Caleb frighteningly straightforward with what has happened to him and Caduceus letting him talk while lightly guiding the conversation--it aches in the absolute best way.
Just, this bit: “Some things you have to live with,” he says. “I’ve learned to live with worse. The difference is that they didn’t come upon me suddenly like this. They were always there. It’s just strange, to find an old wound you didn’t know was there.”
“I’m sorry to hear that this isn’t new for you,” Caduceus says. Because what else can he say?
Heartbreaking and gorgeous.
He was never entirely sure that the rosemary would winter over, but in general, it did. It does. It’s hardier than it looks.
And such a beautiful, bittersweet and hopeful last line. Just. This is such a beautifully done, beautifully painful thing. I loved every bit of it.
Re: fill: "to be still," Caleb/others, E, forced prostitution, cw: noncon, 3/3
And THIS: Andras most wants Caleb like this. A warm body next to his, dependent. Helpless. He doesn’t want to do anything about it, to take it any further, but there’s a strange satisfaction in knowing that it would be easy because Caleb trusts him. Holy fuck. I mean, it's so good because it makes so beautifully explicit what's been underpinning Andras's narration the entire time.
And the section in the present day with the Nein!! Oh my god. So, so good. I love the gradual process of Caleb trying to piece together what's been done to him, and the added painfulness of not being sure if his memory was modified, or if this really happened to him. I love your voice for everyone (Ahh that observation about going hungry as a child in Fjord's pov. Geez that's good.), but especially Caleb. The remove that Caleb has from himself feels so true, and as with the previous sections, the understatement and straightforwardness of your prose just makes things even more vivid. And just. Beau feeling helpless but keeping an eye on Caleb as best she can. Caduceus so aware of the strain on Caleb and how it's affecting the group, but not pushing Caleb to talk to him until he feels ready. And god, that entire conversation between Caleb and Caduceus is pitch-perfect, with Caleb frighteningly straightforward with what has happened to him and Caduceus letting him talk while lightly guiding the conversation--it aches in the absolute best way.
Just, this bit: “Some things you have to live with,” he says. “I’ve learned to live with worse. The difference is that they didn’t come upon me suddenly like this. They were always there. It’s just strange, to find an old wound you didn’t know was there.”
“I’m sorry to hear that this isn’t new for you,” Caduceus says. Because what else can he say?
Heartbreaking and gorgeous.
He was never entirely sure that the rosemary would winter over, but in general, it did. It does. It’s hardier than it looks.
And such a beautiful, bittersweet and hopeful last line. Just. This is such a beautifully done, beautifully painful thing. I loved every bit of it.