"Caduceus?" The door made a hollow thud under Fjord's knuckles as they rapped against it, and he could hear only silence on the other side. "You left dinner pretty quick, or I'd've told you I was going to do some meditating, if you wanted to join me."
"Fjord," he finally heard through the wood, sounding strained and oddly defeated. "No, I don't think I'm up for it tonight. Thank you, though."
Fjord felt his brow wrinkle in concern. "Are you all right?"
"I'm…" Caduceus's voice moved closer, but the door didn't open. "I'm fine, Fjord. Just feeling a bit under the weather."
"I still have some healing, if you could use it. Or I could go find Jester – "
"No!" Caduceus's voice was suddenly sharp and near, on the other side of the door. "No. Please don't get Jester. Or anyone. I don't need anything, Fjord, thank you." There was a quiet thump on the other side of the door, as if Caduceus had leaned against it. "I just…need to be alone for a while."
Fjord lifted a hand to touch the door, imagining Caduceus bracing himself heavily on the other side. He caught another hint of the scent that had been clinging to Caduceus for the past few days, unfamiliar but sharp, and suddenly he realized what it had been reminding him of. He felt his eyes go wide, his face heat up as he breathed in again, matching the strange new sensation with his own experiences, and – "Oh," he said aloud, drawing his hand back from the door. "No, that's – Caduceus, that's the opposite of what you need."
There was a painful choked laugh from the other side of the door. "Ah. There it is. Yeah, I suspected if anyone here would be familiar with…this," there was an unmistakable distaste to his tone on the word, "it'd be you."
"I…" Fjord could feel himself flushing darker. "It's not a regular thing, for…well, for guys like me. But yeah, I've…I'm familiar."
"So, you understand, then," Caduceus said. "Why I need to be alone. I hope your meditation is restful, and I will see you in the morning."
There was a finality to the words, but Fjord didn't move away from the door. "You don't, though," he said quietly. The idea was only half formed in his mind as he said the words, but it gained strength as he spoke them. "Have to be alone, I mean. I could help you."
There was a muffled sound from Caduceus, maybe a groan. "Fjord…"
"No, but think about it, Caduceus," he pushed. "I don't really know how firbolgs…uh, work, but I know for us, this goes a lot easier and quicker if you have someone to go through it with."
"I wouldn't ask that of you, Fjord. I wouldn't ask it of anyone."
"You're not," Fjord said. "I'm asking you. Look, we're not exactly in a situation where we can afford for anyone not to be at 100% right now. If I can spend a night in there with you and have you back in fighting shape tomorrow, that's an easy call to make." Caduceus was silent in response. "I'm not looking to make you uncomfortable," Fjord continued. "I know it's all not really…your thing. But…just know that I wouldn't see it as any kind of hardship to have you…" he flushed. "Well, to have you do what you like with me for a night." There was no response to that either. He sighed. "Okay," he agreed. He patted the door, heavily enough for Caduceus to hear it. "You don't have to take me up on it if you don't want. The offer's there. You know where to find me."
He stepped into the middle of the room, and had just opened his mouth to say "Up" when Caduceus's door creaked open in invitation.
Fjord stepped forward slowly, hesitantly, and when he entered the room, he found Caduceus casting a constantly moving shadow across the room as he paced in front of the fireplace. The fire was the only source of light as Fjord leaned back against the door to close it behind him, and Caduceus looked wild in the darkness, eyes too bright, hair and fur rumpled, a robe hanging disheveled from his limbs.
His eyes darted up to meet Fjord's, wide and firelit. "I don't want to hurt you," he said. His voice was rougher than usual, and now that he was inside the room, Fjord felt almost overwhelmed by the sharpness of the scent coming off him that he had barely been able to detect through the door.
"You can't," Fjord told him.
Caduceus's steps slowed, and he leaned heavily against the arm of the couch, looking at Fjord steadily. "I could," he said flatly.
Fjord shrugged. "And you could heal me, too. I'm not worried about it."
Caduceus's brow furrowed as he scrutinized Fjord. "Why do you want to do this?"
"Because I know what it's like, and it isn't pleasant. I want to help you through it, if I can. And if I can't, then at least…" Fjord returned his steady gaze. "I want to let you know you're not alone. You've done that for me more times than I can count. Must be about my turn by now."
Caduceus looked a little less troubled, but his voice was still hesitant as he said, "There are things that I can't offer you. I don't suspect you have the wrong idea about this, but I need to say it, in case you do. These are urges the Wildmother has given me, and I'll honor her by caring for them the same way that I would feed myself, or clean myself. But this isn't something that I am going to want, from you or anyone else, at other times."
Fjord nodded. "I gathered that, yeah."
"And…" The light was low enough that Fjord couldn't be sure, but it seemed that Caduceus's cheeks flushed slightly under the thin fur of his face. "Beyond the physical, I…" He swallowed. "It's not – "
"Caduceus." Fjord stepped forward, closing the space between them and taking Caduceus's hands. They trembled in his own. "If what you're saying here is that this isn't going to change anything? That you're going to keep being by my side in battle, and on every step of this bizarre journey that we're taking, and we're going to keep not having sex with each other, and not being in love with each other, and just be…whatever it is that we've been being?" Caduceus raised his chin in a tiny, almost imperceptible nod. "Then good. That's exactly what I want."
Caduceus's body sagged a little with relief, his fingers tightening convulsively on Fjord's. "Okay," he said faintly. "Okay. Good." He looked down at their hands. His whole body was strung tight with tension, and the tightness of his grip made Fjord suspect that the single point of contact was the only thing keeping Caduceus grounded.
"You can touch me," he said quietly, and he twisted his hands from Caduceus's grip, taking him by the wrists instead and guiding them to his body.
Caduceus's eyes flashed up to his, and Fjord barely felt the movement before his back was impacting solidly with the wall behind him, Caduceus's hands wide and hot against his skin through his shirt, his body curved over to bury his face in Fjord's neck, pressing messy kisses there, his body heaving with gasping breaths. Fjord let his own hands travel up Caduceus's back, dragging him closer, and could feel more than hear the low almost growling sound that rattled in Caduceus's throat as his hips rolled forward, the hardness under his thin robe thick and unmistakable against Fjord's hip.
Their heights were awkward for the position, but Caduceus seemed to be getting some relief just from letting his body press against Fjord's, so Fjord reached for the tie of his robe, letting it puddle at their feet and spreading his hands over as much of Caduceus's overheated skin as he could reach. It was soft and faintly fuzzy under his touch as he ran his hands over his back, his sides, the curve of his ass, pulling him close and feeling Caduceus let out whimpery sobbing breaths against his neck.
"I want – " Caduceus gasped out, and Fjord nodded.
"Whatever you like," he promised. Caduceus made a helpless noise, his fingers clawing into Fjord's shirt and tugging uselessly at it. Fjord let out a low laugh. "Yeah," he agreed, "but you're going to have to…" he reached up a hand, touching two of his fingers to Caduceus's soft cheek. Caduceus let out a low possessive sound, his kisses against Fjord's skin going sharp with teeth, and Fjord felt his body respond, a harsh gasp escaping his lips, arousal flooding through him. "Yeah," he said, "yeah, okay, you can have more of that. But if you want my clothes off – " and he tangled his fingers into Caduceus's hair, tugging it lightly at first, then harder, finally dragging his face away from Fjord's neck. Caduceus leaned into the touch, looking dazed. "That's better," Fjord said, and reached down with his other hand to drag the shirt off. Caduceus's hands met his, helping, shoving Fjord's clothes off him, and when their bodies met again, they were bare, Caduceus's cock dragging slickly over Fjord's skin.
This time, Caduceus's mouth found his own instead of his neck, and Fjord met his kisses eagerly, careful of his tusks at first, but losing all sense of caution the first time that Caduceus's lips caught against one and he let out a delicious moan into Fjord's mouth. Fjord let himself get a little lost in the sensations for a while after that, the heat of Caduceus's body wrapped around his, the slick drag of their mouths against each other, until Caduceus's hips were stuttering against him, making these tiny desperate thrusts that dragged helpless whimpers from him.
"Hey." Fjord settled a hand against Caduceus's hip, trying to steady him. "How do you want this? You can keep doing that, if that'll be enough, but – "
"I – " Caduceus interrupted him, sounding miserable, "I don't know." He gathered Fjord closer to him. "It's not enough. It feels like nothing's going to be enough."
"Okay." He brushed his thumb soothingly across Caduceus's skin. "Okay," he repeated. It felt incredible, Caduceus's body pressed against his, holding him to the wall, and he wanted nothing more than to wrap his legs around him, sink down onto his cock, and let Caduceus take him right there. But for all his height, Fjord wasn't sure that Caduceus would be strong enough, and was almost positive they wouldn't be coordinated enough, so instead he got a hand between them, settling onto Caduceus's chest, his fingers curling into the pale fur there as he pushed gently, maneuvering Caduceus back just far enough to move off the wall.
Caduceus let out a quiet noise of disappointment, so Fjord leaned into his space to kiss him heavily, dropping a hand to tangle their fingers together and start to tug him toward the inner door of the room. "Come on," he said, "the rest of this will go better in a bed."
Instead of following, Caduceus wrapped around him from behind, gathering Fjord to him, kissing his shoulder and rubbing his cock along the curve of his ass, the small of his back. Fjord groaned, letting himself melt into the touch, rolling his hips and enjoying the feeling of Caduceus rutting against him until he couldn't stand it anymore, until he felt nearly as wild with desire as Caduceus was.
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timeasmymeasure
Fill: relief, aroace Cad, trans Fjord, 1/2
Date: 2020-11-29 06:09 am (UTC)"Fjord," he finally heard through the wood, sounding strained and oddly defeated. "No, I don't think I'm up for it tonight. Thank you, though."
Fjord felt his brow wrinkle in concern. "Are you all right?"
"I'm…" Caduceus's voice moved closer, but the door didn't open. "I'm fine, Fjord. Just feeling a bit under the weather."
"I still have some healing, if you could use it. Or I could go find Jester – "
"No!" Caduceus's voice was suddenly sharp and near, on the other side of the door. "No. Please don't get Jester. Or anyone. I don't need anything, Fjord, thank you." There was a quiet thump on the other side of the door, as if Caduceus had leaned against it. "I just…need to be alone for a while."
Fjord lifted a hand to touch the door, imagining Caduceus bracing himself heavily on the other side. He caught another hint of the scent that had been clinging to Caduceus for the past few days, unfamiliar but sharp, and suddenly he realized what it had been reminding him of. He felt his eyes go wide, his face heat up as he breathed in again, matching the strange new sensation with his own experiences, and – "Oh," he said aloud, drawing his hand back from the door. "No, that's – Caduceus, that's the opposite of what you need."
There was a painful choked laugh from the other side of the door. "Ah. There it is. Yeah, I suspected if anyone here would be familiar with…this," there was an unmistakable distaste to his tone on the word, "it'd be you."
"I…" Fjord could feel himself flushing darker. "It's not a regular thing, for…well, for guys like me. But yeah, I've…I'm familiar."
"So, you understand, then," Caduceus said. "Why I need to be alone. I hope your meditation is restful, and I will see you in the morning."
There was a finality to the words, but Fjord didn't move away from the door. "You don't, though," he said quietly. The idea was only half formed in his mind as he said the words, but it gained strength as he spoke them. "Have to be alone, I mean. I could help you."
There was a muffled sound from Caduceus, maybe a groan. "Fjord…"
"No, but think about it, Caduceus," he pushed. "I don't really know how firbolgs…uh, work, but I know for us, this goes a lot easier and quicker if you have someone to go through it with."
"I wouldn't ask that of you, Fjord. I wouldn't ask it of anyone."
"You're not," Fjord said. "I'm asking you. Look, we're not exactly in a situation where we can afford for anyone not to be at 100% right now. If I can spend a night in there with you and have you back in fighting shape tomorrow, that's an easy call to make." Caduceus was silent in response. "I'm not looking to make you uncomfortable," Fjord continued. "I know it's all not really…your thing. But…just know that I wouldn't see it as any kind of hardship to have you…" he flushed. "Well, to have you do what you like with me for a night." There was no response to that either. He sighed. "Okay," he agreed. He patted the door, heavily enough for Caduceus to hear it. "You don't have to take me up on it if you don't want. The offer's there. You know where to find me."
He stepped into the middle of the room, and had just opened his mouth to say "Up" when Caduceus's door creaked open in invitation.
Fjord stepped forward slowly, hesitantly, and when he entered the room, he found Caduceus casting a constantly moving shadow across the room as he paced in front of the fireplace. The fire was the only source of light as Fjord leaned back against the door to close it behind him, and Caduceus looked wild in the darkness, eyes too bright, hair and fur rumpled, a robe hanging disheveled from his limbs.
His eyes darted up to meet Fjord's, wide and firelit. "I don't want to hurt you," he said. His voice was rougher than usual, and now that he was inside the room, Fjord felt almost overwhelmed by the sharpness of the scent coming off him that he had barely been able to detect through the door.
"You can't," Fjord told him.
Caduceus's steps slowed, and he leaned heavily against the arm of the couch, looking at Fjord steadily. "I could," he said flatly.
Fjord shrugged. "And you could heal me, too. I'm not worried about it."
Caduceus's brow furrowed as he scrutinized Fjord. "Why do you want to do this?"
"Because I know what it's like, and it isn't pleasant. I want to help you through it, if I can. And if I can't, then at least…" Fjord returned his steady gaze. "I want to let you know you're not alone. You've done that for me more times than I can count. Must be about my turn by now."
Caduceus looked a little less troubled, but his voice was still hesitant as he said, "There are things that I can't offer you. I don't suspect you have the wrong idea about this, but I need to say it, in case you do. These are urges the Wildmother has given me, and I'll honor her by caring for them the same way that I would feed myself, or clean myself. But this isn't something that I am going to want, from you or anyone else, at other times."
Fjord nodded. "I gathered that, yeah."
"And…" The light was low enough that Fjord couldn't be sure, but it seemed that Caduceus's cheeks flushed slightly under the thin fur of his face. "Beyond the physical, I…" He swallowed. "It's not – "
"Caduceus." Fjord stepped forward, closing the space between them and taking Caduceus's hands. They trembled in his own. "If what you're saying here is that this isn't going to change anything? That you're going to keep being by my side in battle, and on every step of this bizarre journey that we're taking, and we're going to keep not having sex with each other, and not being in love with each other, and just be…whatever it is that we've been being?" Caduceus raised his chin in a tiny, almost imperceptible nod. "Then good. That's exactly what I want."
Caduceus's body sagged a little with relief, his fingers tightening convulsively on Fjord's. "Okay," he said faintly. "Okay. Good." He looked down at their hands. His whole body was strung tight with tension, and the tightness of his grip made Fjord suspect that the single point of contact was the only thing keeping Caduceus grounded.
"You can touch me," he said quietly, and he twisted his hands from Caduceus's grip, taking him by the wrists instead and guiding them to his body.
Caduceus's eyes flashed up to his, and Fjord barely felt the movement before his back was impacting solidly with the wall behind him, Caduceus's hands wide and hot against his skin through his shirt, his body curved over to bury his face in Fjord's neck, pressing messy kisses there, his body heaving with gasping breaths. Fjord let his own hands travel up Caduceus's back, dragging him closer, and could feel more than hear the low almost growling sound that rattled in Caduceus's throat as his hips rolled forward, the hardness under his thin robe thick and unmistakable against Fjord's hip.
Their heights were awkward for the position, but Caduceus seemed to be getting some relief just from letting his body press against Fjord's, so Fjord reached for the tie of his robe, letting it puddle at their feet and spreading his hands over as much of Caduceus's overheated skin as he could reach. It was soft and faintly fuzzy under his touch as he ran his hands over his back, his sides, the curve of his ass, pulling him close and feeling Caduceus let out whimpery sobbing breaths against his neck.
"I want – " Caduceus gasped out, and Fjord nodded.
"Whatever you like," he promised. Caduceus made a helpless noise, his fingers clawing into Fjord's shirt and tugging uselessly at it. Fjord let out a low laugh. "Yeah," he agreed, "but you're going to have to…" he reached up a hand, touching two of his fingers to Caduceus's soft cheek. Caduceus let out a low possessive sound, his kisses against Fjord's skin going sharp with teeth, and Fjord felt his body respond, a harsh gasp escaping his lips, arousal flooding through him. "Yeah," he said, "yeah, okay, you can have more of that. But if you want my clothes off – " and he tangled his fingers into Caduceus's hair, tugging it lightly at first, then harder, finally dragging his face away from Fjord's neck. Caduceus leaned into the touch, looking dazed. "That's better," Fjord said, and reached down with his other hand to drag the shirt off. Caduceus's hands met his, helping, shoving Fjord's clothes off him, and when their bodies met again, they were bare, Caduceus's cock dragging slickly over Fjord's skin.
This time, Caduceus's mouth found his own instead of his neck, and Fjord met his kisses eagerly, careful of his tusks at first, but losing all sense of caution the first time that Caduceus's lips caught against one and he let out a delicious moan into Fjord's mouth. Fjord let himself get a little lost in the sensations for a while after that, the heat of Caduceus's body wrapped around his, the slick drag of their mouths against each other, until Caduceus's hips were stuttering against him, making these tiny desperate thrusts that dragged helpless whimpers from him.
"Hey." Fjord settled a hand against Caduceus's hip, trying to steady him. "How do you want this? You can keep doing that, if that'll be enough, but – "
"I – " Caduceus interrupted him, sounding miserable, "I don't know." He gathered Fjord closer to him. "It's not enough. It feels like nothing's going to be enough."
"Okay." He brushed his thumb soothingly across Caduceus's skin. "Okay," he repeated. It felt incredible, Caduceus's body pressed against his, holding him to the wall, and he wanted nothing more than to wrap his legs around him, sink down onto his cock, and let Caduceus take him right there. But for all his height, Fjord wasn't sure that Caduceus would be strong enough, and was almost positive they wouldn't be coordinated enough, so instead he got a hand between them, settling onto Caduceus's chest, his fingers curling into the pale fur there as he pushed gently, maneuvering Caduceus back just far enough to move off the wall.
Caduceus let out a quiet noise of disappointment, so Fjord leaned into his space to kiss him heavily, dropping a hand to tangle their fingers together and start to tug him toward the inner door of the room. "Come on," he said, "the rest of this will go better in a bed."
Instead of following, Caduceus wrapped around him from behind, gathering Fjord to him, kissing his shoulder and rubbing his cock along the curve of his ass, the small of his back. Fjord groaned, letting himself melt into the touch, rolling his hips and enjoying the feeling of Caduceus rutting against him until he couldn't stand it anymore, until he felt nearly as wild with desire as Caduceus was.