Essek remembered the rest of the meal only in fits and starts, in scattered scenes and fragmented voices. If he said anything more, it was entirely on autopilot, the barest of niceties, and nothing more was expected of him. His mother and his husband-to-be were content to keep talking over his head.
One thing he did remember all too clearly was that Issa kissed him good night as they were making ready to go their separate ways. Feeling trapped, feeling lost, feeling exhausted and cold, Essek remembered allowing it just for the sake of getting it over with and not delaying his own escape any longer.
He remembered that Issa prolonged the kiss for just a second longer than he would have had to in order to make it believable. Just to remind you that he can Essek thought to himself, fists clenched to the point of pain at his sides.
He remembered staring helplessly as his fiance - as his captor made his way down the street in one direction, then remembered pivoting sharply in midair to drift away down the other direction. If he said anything to his mother in farewell, he didn't remember it.
In fact, the next time Essek was properly aware of anything, the next time he managed to blink his vision clear enough to stay that way, he found that he'd crossed half the city - he must have, because there was the great tree of the "Xhorhaus" rising over the rooftops not far away at all. The way his heart surged in his chest at the sight was its own sort of pain - raw and needy and dangerously warm, all the more sharp in contrast after hours on end of hatred and fear. He felt himself drifting closer even before he realized it - and then he stopped, took a breath, and turned around to go and find a shop that might still be open.
When he finally knocked on the Mighty Nein's door a little under an hour later, it was with a bottle of decently expensive wine tucked under his arm. The shitty night he'd had was no excuse for being a poor guest, after all.
It was Nott - Veth, her name was Veth now, he had to remember that - who opened the door. Her face broke into a smile at the sight of him. "Hey there, Essek!" She opened the door even wider to let him in, and he was happy to drift inside - into the sounds of everpresent chatter, into the scents of herbs and cooking, into the light. "What brings you here?"
"Just...in the neighborhood," he said - and just like that, he was as awkward and out of place as ever. The feeling didn't rankle as much as it usually did, though. After all, he knew that they - somehow, miraculously - did not mind.
No, the most important thing was to keep them from figuring out what had truly driven him here tonight. "I saw that you all had returned and thought I might as well check in." A beat, and then he belatedly remembered to add: "I brought wine."
"Great!" The bottle was gone from his hands before he could blink, and suddenly Veth was examining the label with a proprietary eye.
"Veth?" called a voice from the next room over - Fjord's voice, in the kitchen. "Who is it?"
"Just Essek!" Veth called back. "Here to say hello!"
"Hi Essek!" Jester's voice this time.
He smiled, his heart already feeling a little lighter, the hours before already feeling a little more distant, and glided over towards the kitchen to check in with the others.
It turned out that he had arrived at the tail end of their own supper - a few scattered dirty plates were still on the table as Caduceus cleaned the rest in the sink. Fjord and Beau were playing cards, Jester was sitting on the kitchen counter scribbling away in her sketchbook. After greetings were exchanged and Essek attempted to apologize for the intrusion or interruption, Caduceus shook his head and beamed.
"Not an interruption. Hell, you still hungry? We got leftovers."
"Starving," Essek agreed emphatically - and, before he knew it, he was being sat down at the table after Beau and Fjord hastily made room for him, and a plate of some steaming casserole of roots and vegetables and mushrooms was being set down before him.
The first bite nearly made him moan with relief - he knew he must have eaten before, but he also knew he hadn't tasted a bit of it, and it certainly hadn't settled his stomach at all. But this...the way Caduceus could turn the plainest of fare into something delicious had to be a divine gift in its own right.
And things quickly...settled, after that. Once the brief surprise of Essek's arrival had faded, the Mighty Nein went back to their business, simply folding him in to the space and accepting his presence as if it were normal. And when they did, it was easy for him to pretend, even if only for a while, that this was normal. That before had not happened. That this was his life, and nothing outside the door existed.
The feeling lasted until he'd picked his plate clean. Until he'd stayed a little while longer after that. Until he remembered himself at last, remembered that this was not truly his home, that he'd have to leave sometime. He could not hide here like a child afraid of a monster beneath the bed.
His resolve lasted until he laid a hand on the doorknob, and then it failed him all over again. Then he sighed, long and tired.
"Jester," he said, because of course - strange and sweet as she was - she had walked him to the door. "May I use your bath before I leave?"
"Of course!" she chirped. He could not meet her gaze, but he felt her looking him over, checking him for signs of dirt or stains, doubtless curious by the suddenness of his request. He certainly would have been, in her place.
"Just, ah, just a feeling," he hastened to add, in answer to the unspoken question. A beat, and then: "...please."
"...okay," she said, notably quiet and subdued this time - in his haste to reveal nothing, he had already tipped his hand, and cursed himself for it. "Just follow me!"
He followed her away from the door, down the stairs into the heart of the house, into the place beneath the roots of the tree where the hot tub was. Essek took a deep, steam-scented breath, then started to shrug out of his mantle and shirt.
"Oh!" Jester said, bringing him up short. "Oh you meant like a bath-bath. Not just, like, soaking your feet some more?"
He knew already that his feet and legs would be in particular agony in a little while - they always were, whenever circumstances led to him holding himself tense for too long. It was true that he'd entertained the hope that maybe the hot water could ease that building pain...but the true heart of the matter was that he felt the need to scrub himself raw, and here was hot water to do it in.
But he could not say that out loud, dared not betray any more. So he just nodded, staring at the floor, feeling a blush darkening his cheeks already.
"Okay!" Jester said hastily. "That's okay! I mean, it's a really nice hot tub, and I'm glad you finally want to enjoy it some! I already had a bath, though, so I'll just, like...let you chill out, then?"
"In a manner of speaking, I suppose." The joke felt stiff and flat on his tongue, but when he darted a glance upwards, he saw the smile on her face grow a little more pronounced. Esse mustered up a weak one in return. "Thank you, Jester."
"You are welcome!" She gave him a hearty clap on the back and then she was gone up the stairs, practically skipping. Essek let out the breath he'd been holding, waited for the sound of her footsteps to die away, then finished undressing and eased himself into the water. As expected, the shock of the sudden temperature change made his knees give a warning twinge - but he gritted his teeth, breathed through it, and finally submerged himself almost entirely. Even sitting on the benches that surrounded the interior of the pool, he was in almost up to his neck - this hot tub had been made for taller people than him, which sadly included Jester when Essek deigned to let his feet touch the ground.
Still, once the momentary shock passed, he could already feel his tension easing, muscles relaxing. Essek leaned back fully against the edge of the tub, tipped his head back, and let his eyes fall closed. Up above, he could still hear the sounds of the Mighty Nein puttering around, but growing slowly fainter as time ticked on. Of course, it must have been getting late. Presumably, even they had to sleep sometime.
But soon, Essek found himself so relaxed that he didn't so much as twitch when he heard another set of footsteps coming downstairs. It was quiet enough by then to recognize them easily enough - and he'd long passed the point where their owner could make him afraid.
Sure enough, when Essek next opened his eyes, the figure of Caleb Widogast swam into view overhead. The human was staring down at him with a curious smile on his face and a warmth in his eyes that made Essek's breath catch.
"Jester said you had stopped by," he said. And then: "May I join you?"
Essek nodded without hesitation and moved aside. "Of course."
Caleb stepped away to undress, and then he slipped into the water beside Essek, and - and before anything else, he leaned in for a kiss, and Essek met him halfway.
The Most Delicate of Chains (Part 3/?)
One thing he did remember all too clearly was that Issa kissed him good night as they were making ready to go their separate ways. Feeling trapped, feeling lost, feeling exhausted and cold, Essek remembered allowing it just for the sake of getting it over with and not delaying his own escape any longer.
He remembered that Issa prolonged the kiss for just a second longer than he would have had to in order to make it believable. Just to remind you that he can Essek thought to himself, fists clenched to the point of pain at his sides.
He remembered staring helplessly as his fiance - as his captor made his way down the street in one direction, then remembered pivoting sharply in midair to drift away down the other direction. If he said anything to his mother in farewell, he didn't remember it.
In fact, the next time Essek was properly aware of anything, the next time he managed to blink his vision clear enough to stay that way, he found that he'd crossed half the city - he must have, because there was the great tree of the "Xhorhaus" rising over the rooftops not far away at all. The way his heart surged in his chest at the sight was its own sort of pain - raw and needy and dangerously warm, all the more sharp in contrast after hours on end of hatred and fear. He felt himself drifting closer even before he realized it - and then he stopped, took a breath, and turned around to go and find a shop that might still be open.
When he finally knocked on the Mighty Nein's door a little under an hour later, it was with a bottle of decently expensive wine tucked under his arm. The shitty night he'd had was no excuse for being a poor guest, after all.
It was Nott - Veth, her name was Veth now, he had to remember that - who opened the door. Her face broke into a smile at the sight of him. "Hey there, Essek!" She opened the door even wider to let him in, and he was happy to drift inside - into the sounds of everpresent chatter, into the scents of herbs and cooking, into the light. "What brings you here?"
"Just...in the neighborhood," he said - and just like that, he was as awkward and out of place as ever. The feeling didn't rankle as much as it usually did, though. After all, he knew that they - somehow, miraculously - did not mind.
No, the most important thing was to keep them from figuring out what had truly driven him here tonight. "I saw that you all had returned and thought I might as well check in." A beat, and then he belatedly remembered to add: "I brought wine."
"Great!" The bottle was gone from his hands before he could blink, and suddenly Veth was examining the label with a proprietary eye.
"Veth?" called a voice from the next room over - Fjord's voice, in the kitchen. "Who is it?"
"Just Essek!" Veth called back. "Here to say hello!"
"Hi Essek!" Jester's voice this time.
He smiled, his heart already feeling a little lighter, the hours before already feeling a little more distant, and glided over towards the kitchen to check in with the others.
It turned out that he had arrived at the tail end of their own supper - a few scattered dirty plates were still on the table as Caduceus cleaned the rest in the sink. Fjord and Beau were playing cards, Jester was sitting on the kitchen counter scribbling away in her sketchbook. After greetings were exchanged and Essek attempted to apologize for the intrusion or interruption, Caduceus shook his head and beamed.
"Not an interruption. Hell, you still hungry? We got leftovers."
"Starving," Essek agreed emphatically - and, before he knew it, he was being sat down at the table after Beau and Fjord hastily made room for him, and a plate of some steaming casserole of roots and vegetables and mushrooms was being set down before him.
The first bite nearly made him moan with relief - he knew he must have eaten before, but he also knew he hadn't tasted a bit of it, and it certainly hadn't settled his stomach at all. But this...the way Caduceus could turn the plainest of fare into something delicious had to be a divine gift in its own right.
And things quickly...settled, after that. Once the brief surprise of Essek's arrival had faded, the Mighty Nein went back to their business, simply folding him in to the space and accepting his presence as if it were normal. And when they did, it was easy for him to pretend, even if only for a while, that this was normal. That before had not happened. That this was his life, and nothing outside the door existed.
The feeling lasted until he'd picked his plate clean. Until he'd stayed a little while longer after that. Until he remembered himself at last, remembered that this was not truly his home, that he'd have to leave sometime. He could not hide here like a child afraid of a monster beneath the bed.
His resolve lasted until he laid a hand on the doorknob, and then it failed him all over again. Then he sighed, long and tired.
"Jester," he said, because of course - strange and sweet as she was - she had walked him to the door. "May I use your bath before I leave?"
"Of course!" she chirped. He could not meet her gaze, but he felt her looking him over, checking him for signs of dirt or stains, doubtless curious by the suddenness of his request. He certainly would have been, in her place.
"Just, ah, just a feeling," he hastened to add, in answer to the unspoken question. A beat, and then: "...please."
"...okay," she said, notably quiet and subdued this time - in his haste to reveal nothing, he had already tipped his hand, and cursed himself for it. "Just follow me!"
He followed her away from the door, down the stairs into the heart of the house, into the place beneath the roots of the tree where the hot tub was. Essek took a deep, steam-scented breath, then started to shrug out of his mantle and shirt.
"Oh!" Jester said, bringing him up short. "Oh you meant like a bath-bath. Not just, like, soaking your feet some more?"
He knew already that his feet and legs would be in particular agony in a little while - they always were, whenever circumstances led to him holding himself tense for too long. It was true that he'd entertained the hope that maybe the hot water could ease that building pain...but the true heart of the matter was that he felt the need to scrub himself raw, and here was hot water to do it in.
But he could not say that out loud, dared not betray any more. So he just nodded, staring at the floor, feeling a blush darkening his cheeks already.
"Okay!" Jester said hastily. "That's okay! I mean, it's a really nice hot tub, and I'm glad you finally want to enjoy it some! I already had a bath, though, so I'll just, like...let you chill out, then?"
"In a manner of speaking, I suppose." The joke felt stiff and flat on his tongue, but when he darted a glance upwards, he saw the smile on her face grow a little more pronounced. Esse mustered up a weak one in return. "Thank you, Jester."
"You are welcome!" She gave him a hearty clap on the back and then she was gone up the stairs, practically skipping. Essek let out the breath he'd been holding, waited for the sound of her footsteps to die away, then finished undressing and eased himself into the water. As expected, the shock of the sudden temperature change made his knees give a warning twinge - but he gritted his teeth, breathed through it, and finally submerged himself almost entirely. Even sitting on the benches that surrounded the interior of the pool, he was in almost up to his neck - this hot tub had been made for taller people than him, which sadly included Jester when Essek deigned to let his feet touch the ground.
Still, once the momentary shock passed, he could already feel his tension easing, muscles relaxing. Essek leaned back fully against the edge of the tub, tipped his head back, and let his eyes fall closed. Up above, he could still hear the sounds of the Mighty Nein puttering around, but growing slowly fainter as time ticked on. Of course, it must have been getting late. Presumably, even they had to sleep sometime.
But soon, Essek found himself so relaxed that he didn't so much as twitch when he heard another set of footsteps coming downstairs. It was quiet enough by then to recognize them easily enough - and he'd long passed the point where their owner could make him afraid.
Sure enough, when Essek next opened his eyes, the figure of Caleb Widogast swam into view overhead. The human was staring down at him with a curious smile on his face and a warmth in his eyes that made Essek's breath catch.
"Jester said you had stopped by," he said. And then: "May I join you?"
Essek nodded without hesitation and moved aside. "Of course."
Caleb stepped away to undress, and then he slipped into the water beside Essek, and - and before anything else, he leaned in for a kiss, and Essek met him halfway.